Older, Wiser

I started Blogger since 2008, I was in high school and thought of blogging everything in my life. High school was fun and all, lots of memories too. 

After graduation I didn't really pay attention to my blog anymore, I guessed it happened to my friends that who blogs too. We were surrounded by different people, different things, different etmosphere, different industry of work, different lifestyle, social lifes, parties etc. 

I think you kinda noticed about the posts from 2008 till 2012 isn't anywhere in my blog. Yes I deleted every single one of them. There is one random day I logged in to my blog and read from the first post I wrote till the last one, some of them are hilarious and I wonder why I blog about them. Some of them make no sense at all, majority are negativity, sadness, loneliness. It's not that I don't remember them, it's just I do not want negativity filled over my blog. It's not I do not want to share but I learned something throughout the years that sometimes it's not a good thing to share everything on the Internet. I preferred those memories kept in heart that's all. 

When I was in Los Angeles, I started a few post about how stress and how is school was like in a different country and then I forget about my blog again and again. I know for some of you it's probably just an excuse that I'm being lazy for my blog. Nope it's just school had been taking up a lot of my time. A year had gone by and I'm located back to my homeland, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. 

Things had been very difficult for me since then, I lost my connection which I used years to built up. For some people out there just don't understand or misunderstood who am I as a person when they see me in social life. My job is a freelancer, I love beauty. I'm a Professional Makeup Artist and Professional Hairdresser and Hairstylist. I didn't started off first as a freelancer, I started off in a saloon working two job position, hairdresser and makeup artist. I quit after sometime and went to be a freelancer and it was a heck of a job. All the drinking, smoking , people judged me by that which is sad but I learned not to give a damn about it. I believed people who really knows you understands. 

And yes I lost my connections cause I had been away for a year overseas. A few of my assistant or friends in the industry they quit their job and went for a different industry. People assumed I'm expensive, brag person etc cause I came back from Los Angeles so they just do not want to hire means rather hire someone cheap in their price to do the job. I don't blame them but I was thinking I wasn't cheap in my pricing before I left. So why now? 

I doubted myself and wonder isit the end of my passion? There is one job in 2014 that literally almost made me want to quit my career. I had seen a lot of awful things but that job made me wonder and I wasn't happy for the entire job. There is a lot of drama, which can suffercated you in seconds. I always had hope in mind that people in my country appreciates professional like us but yet it always come down to disappointments. 

I'm still standing strong in my position for now. 2015, what surprises will you bring me?

Time flies

March....April..May...3 months. Time really flies so fast.

It's June now. Finally I'm done with CMS. There are moments which is bitter sweet, when people are with you for 5 months, some of them need to go back to England and other places, everyone is moving apart.
I had been trying my ass off to see which way I got get a working permit.

Well I know its hard due I don't have experience in the states for the industry. Even the director of CMS said it won't happen. Yeah that torn my heart apart. It's not I don't love my country, it is just I don't feel going back. I know myself that I won't want to go back before trying out here. All I can do it just do whatever I can and hope for the best. If not, October I'm going back.

I even thought of working in other asia countries like Singapore, Taiwan or Hong Kong. It's not easy too.
I'm just bored with Malaysia. Yeah of course I missed friends and families. it's just...I don't know i guess Im running away from something.

For the time being in Los Angeles, I enjoyed the lifestyle here. Yeah It sucks for international about the visa and stuff. Someone even propose a marriage proposal to me so I can get a green card and stay. But that is not I want it. I want to use my own way instead of just find anyone to get married. Ahh...stress of a lot of stuff.

I think I start to lose my way. I can't see my future in this industry. I felt im not knowledgeable enough. What if i go back, what will i do? I just can't see it. I can't see im earning or anything. oh God.. Losing myself.

People gets busy and yeah i forgot about my blog again hah! It has been tough for the past few weeks, gets tired easily now. Weather is making me sick><

I had an awesome day today. I went to the Oscar Celebrates : MakeUp & Hairstyling Nominees. I was so excited to be there. I met awesome people from the industry and it is so crowded like crazy. I'm glad. I also had a fun dinner at Sizzlers with the ladies. Fun jokes, love the endless salad bar. 

My hair is getting longer, ahhh i need a haircut but im so afraid of the korean salons here. oh my~

Not my day?

It is so not my day this morning, I was just walking to class and my stupid kit just gone broken.
I was like " W.T.F! Seriously? now? just half way to class."
I stopped and tried to fix the damn thing and this trash guy came over and mistaken me staying in 515, he was offering he could help me carry the kit to the door and ask me to help him with the trash.
* Inner voice goes " What the hell? You did not just say that! You should just do your job and do the trash yourself you dick!" *
I just answered No, I'm not staying at 515 and just carry the stupid heavy kit to class. Rough day much?

I broke down at class and went to the kitchen, this anger inside me is killing me. Urghhhh!!!!!!
Luckly, they can replace the roller of it and they let me left it there just for the weekends. Thank God~

I'm excited cause I got tattoos on~ Nah, just kidding. I wish I could have the angel of death on me.
but I just did it on my partner today . Pictures Pictures ~

 Red Rose Tattoo.

for one thing I really love this of the realism and the colors & shading I did.

It's not washable with water, so it will stay. 

Angel of Death.

I'm seriously in love with this. It's so cool.

I would love to have it on me.

yup yup indeed. 

XOXO~

Seriously, I need a freaking shit drink, stat!!! Bald cap really sucks. A lot of pressure for today's test, the edges wasn't that nice which I had in mind, urghhhh!!!  The hair was nicely done I liked it~  it took me a lot of time to do the whole thing, I wish I had gone faster so I can make my extra credit but oh well.....

It feels like Friday, haha...one more day to go and it's weekends. Please be a better weekend.
Someone in class confront me by asking why I didn't ask him for lunch? Awww...that's cute. Alright, I'm going lunch with you tomorrow. I need some ideas of my masterpiece yet I'm so lazy right now. Brain stuck~

I get tired easily lately with all the stress, oh god please bless me~

I had a chat with my old old  friend today, 10 years Woah~  a decade huh?
Sorry for what I heard from you, may god bless your grandmother. We were talking about chinese new year and stuff, man! you made me homesick so badly!! This old friend of mine didn't manage to come back in time before I left home. Both of us were busy with our life, our family does know each other well.
Wondering how would chinese new year be for my family back home?
Eating all those new year treats; Prawn/Fish Crackers ; Tea ; Wine ; Beer; New Year dishes ; NianGao ; my mom's dishes ; dessert by my aunties...gamble all day long; pay visit to friend's house...yummm~ too bad I can't have them.

Families are going on a cruise this year, that's nice. I wished to join them too.
Cousin complained that they were bored without me, I knoww~~ I'm bored without you guys too.
I'm still making friends but seems like something is missing around here. Ahhh geezzz~

Xoxo~

Bald Cap

3rd week of class...

Hmm...so stress for every week and this week chapter really sucks. What makes me stress more cause of next week test and my creation of the month yet I still have no idea of it. Damn it!
BALD CAPS SUCKS! it look cool to do it when we watch movies and stuff, but seriously its hell pain when doing it and removing it!

Culture shock, screw you!

It's been very windy for these few days and the crazy central heater keeps heat up every 5 min the whole night till morning, my room was like O.M.G.. sweating like crazy and it is not cool!
Been kinda healthy lately, but did went for a few drinks with some friends, basically both of them are korean and I barely know what they talk, besides barely go out only the weekends.

Hollywood this weekend? oh yeah.....

seriously I want my hair done!! homesick...but korean salons here have bad reviews, geez~
keep it long? hmm.....not in my mind yet. My stylist back home keep on asking me to keep it, yeah right pay me then i will.

New Era, New Life, A New Start

Older posts was deleted, things can be delete not memories. I just want to clean erased everything that I wrote since the day I start to write my journal blog.

It had been almost 7 or 8 months that I had stop writing here, yeah I did forget about here.
Now I'm back to my journal....

I left home and I came to Los Angeles, California, USA. It's been a month plus since I came here, new environment, strangers around, different people, different culture, food and stuff. Yes I miss home and everything back home.

There is one day I was broken down with everything with all the stress and I can't even find a person just to talk. I felt so hopeless, I cried yet I know I have to get a hold on myself. It's hard, so hard.

New Life, A new start to begin with.....
What's ahead of me?